she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
