Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
