plz talk dirty to me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
