Whoa Z and x make the same sound
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
