This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
