I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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