Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who died my cat blue again?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
