You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
