How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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