Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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