You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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