easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
