meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
