also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
