I'm drive I can fine osifer
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
