my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
