i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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