Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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