Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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