so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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