take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
