Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
