Don't you send me to vm
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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