Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
