try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
