its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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