I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
