it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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