ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
