i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
