You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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