yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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