The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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