Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
