she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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