Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
