Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora

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(778): View more from British Columbia

working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us

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(315): View more from New York

I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.

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(949): View more from California

the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.

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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.

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