He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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