She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
