I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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