fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
