he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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