Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
