Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
