just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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