I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
