Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
