Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
