Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
