now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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